I'll tell you what started this off, right?

Vinnie was watching TV the other evening watching the New York Nets get beat by that big Shaq guy - so what's new - and I was on the phone to Gabriella. My goodness, she is having such a time with that husband of hers! I remember Motha at the wedding - at the very wedding - saying that Giancarlo was a loser and a total piazzaiolo and she was right. Who does that guy think he is, treating my sista like that? He’d better just take a bit more care, you don't mess with MY family if you want to stay in one piece if you see what I mean. The joik.

Anyway, Gabi hasn't told anyone else about it (so don't you go blabbing either, reader! I'm telling you in strictest confidence!) but she's planning her revenge. What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander, is what she said. Good girl! So she’s gone out and bought some sexy new clothes, she's got herself a new do and she's been on some pazzesco cabbage soup diet and lost ten pounds.

Well, good for her is what I say. But then I remembered that we'll be visiting with her and Giancarlo next month! I can't have my sister being thinner than me! Especially since they had that pool put in and you can bet your life that she'll be prancing around the thing in a skimpy thong thing like she's Jennifer Lopez. And if my other sister Rosie is there, that'll be two of them showing off their slim bodies.

So I goes through to the lounge where Vinnie is just about in a coma and who do I see on the TV? Sophia Loren. Can you believe that woman? She'll be seventy and a coupla years and she's just gorgeous! Being Italian helps of course. We have a natural beauty gene, in my opinion. Did you SEE those World Cup Socca Italian studs!? Gimme a chunk of that Francesco Totti... Anyway - Sophia. There she was, looking gorgeous and I though "Ya know? I'm gonna be as stunning as her when I'm that age". And then this other side of my head said "Not if you don't lose ten pounds, you won’t be".

Well, that made my mind up for me.

"Vinnie!" I yelled "You're turning into a couch potater. This family is getting FAT. We're starting a diet, right now!"

Well, you can imagine Vinnie's reaction. It was a sort of snorting noise to accompany the hiss of another can of Bud opening. Well, I thought, screw ya. You stay fat, you lump. Fuggedahboutit!

So I went though to the kitchen, sat at the kitchen table and started to think. You'll not get me on any cabbage diet, that's for sure. All I need to do is cut down a bit. After all, we’re talking ten pounds here. It's not as if I need to lose thirty pounds like that beached whale snoring on the sofa.

Now anyone who has ever eaten at my house knows that I make the best cakes and desserts in the world. You ask them. Go on, you can give them a call right now. But they godda go! So all I've got to do is cut out the desserts for a while, right?

Now I'm no dietician or anything like that but I know that fruit's good for ya and fat free and all that. So there's the answer! For desserts, I need to think fruity.

The very next day, I was down at the grocery store and if anyone had looked in my cart they would have thought I was one real healthy lady. Pineapple, strawberries, mangoes, bananas, but my, that stuff is expensive! But it's worth it. Gabi will get such a shock when she sees that I can strut around her pool like one of them gals in the Sisqo video. Then just a quick trip to Mario's deli to get some good low fat salady things. Chatted for a while with Angelina, it seems that Mario is back on the vino again. Anyway...

So when I got home, I put all the fruit in fruit bowls and you know what? I felt so much thinner. It was working already. Now, it was eleven o'clock by now and that's usually the time I sit down with a cawffee and a delicious slice of my homemade cake, but youda been proud of me. I put no sugar at all in my cawffee, just a little cream and what did I eat? A banana. Well, three actually, but it's fruit so that's fine. And I was so good for lunch. Salad, thanks to Mario. Luscious black olives, potato salad, some of Mario's great salami, a nice avocado, a really good pasta salad and of course, lettuce and tomato with mayo. (Can anyone eat salad without mayo?) My jeans were beginning to feel baggy already.

I figured that because I'd had next to no calories, I could have a normal dinner and a fruit dessert, that would please Vinnie, so I made my best lasagna. And I remembered that I had the best mango cheesecake recipe from Sarah. Delicious! What a great start to my diet! Lots of salad and fruit, I'll be skinny in no time. This is easy!!.

Week One
The Holiday
Sisters, sisters...