|
Dear
Diary,
Roseanne
arrived yestaday and we haven't stop talking since she
got here. As sista's do, we had a conversation about
who we thought the cutest celebrity guys were. You know,
girl talk! As far as hot guys go Rosie is a big Mike
Piazza fan. She said that if the opportunity arose she
would just "suck his face off!. Big,
strapping superstar athletes with a goatee just drive
her wild. It is known fact that Rosie is a little loose
with the guys which is the reason my motha is not talking
to her. Rosie said that she wished the hunky Met's catcher
would catch-her.
I told her that Mike Piazzaface could not even hold
a candle to my Matt Leblanc. Oh my goodness dear diary
that boy is delicious. I could just it him up. If there's
something I like betta than my homemade sauce it's Matt
Leblanc. Oh gosh, that hair, those eyes. Enough to get
me panting. That's enough of this subject matter though
because she won't win this contest! You can't catch
this fly-ball, Piazzaguy!
I
have not had the company of my younga sista Rosie for
two years. She moved to Florida and left her husband
Tony for a much younger guy. This situation has caused
a lot of bad blood between Roseanne and my Motha and
has made life very difficult faw everyone. Tony was
such a favorite with mom and she still bakes him things.
Her and my Motha have not spoken faw two years now.
Stupid isn't it?
Rosie
is still my sista and although I don't agree with what
she did by running away with such a disgraciado, I figured
to invite her up faw a long weekend so that we could
catch up on things.
Rosie
has the most exquisite physique I have to admit and
I have always been jealous of her. I thought she's had
Richard Simmons or Denise Austin as her personal body
trainer with those buns of hers. Either that or she's
been taking up Pole Dancing.
I
asked her,"Say Rosie how do ya keep so thin? Are ya
on some kinda diet?"
"Patty
don't you ever just relax about you weight?" she
says. "What are you worried about those thunder
thighs and spare tire bakala? Looks like you've been
overindulging on pasta again. Don't worry though because
it's the summertime. Let's you and I just party hearty
and worry about shedding those pounds later? Don't worry
Patty, let yaw hair down and let's have some fun while
I'm here."
Oh
dear diary she really upset me. I was so disturbed by
what she said about my thighs that I was ready to cry.
I mean they look lovely! Vinnie himself said so after
I'd asked him a few times. I just swallowed my pride
and stayed calm. I said to her in a calm breath "That's
easy faw you to say because your as thin as Sophia Loren!
After all you know what Sophia always says," Sex appeal
is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've
got". In my case diary, I'll have to settle faw the
latter!
"Patty
snap out'a your rut. I'll tell you my secret diet tip
later. I wonna eat so let's get started on dinner okay?",
she says..
Oh
I can't wait ta hear what it is Rosie", I says.
"Patty
by the way, what are you cooking up baby?", she says.
"Something new on account of your visit". I says.
I
told her I have ta say that buying this new barbecue
grill was the best thing I ever could have done faw
my diet. I figure that I could loose so much weight.
I will not have to bread and fry anything . I will have
to put my eggplant and calamari on hold faw just a while.
After all you are what you eat! I swear Gawd made me
a genius. All I have ta do is marinate and grill. I
feel such a difference already. The pounds are just
melting off my hips...
"Sure Patty, whatever... amazing, truly amazing. Now
could we please get started on the dinner Twiggy!" she
says very sarcastically.
Sometimes
I swear she reminds me of my Motha. Maybe
that's why they don't get along. They both could bitch
for Italy! Joint Gold Medal!
Here
is the healthy stuff I cooked for the dinner:
London
Broil Marinated In Bloody Mary Sauce.
3
pounds 2" London Broil steak
5 ripe tomatoes, peeled and pureed
1/4 cup Worcestershire Sauce
1 teaspoon Kosher salt
1 teaspoon freshly cracked black pepper
2 garlic cloves, chopped
1 teaspoon hot red pepper sauce
3 heaping teaspoons white horseradish
Juice of 1 fresh lemon
Mix all the ingredients in a bowl. Place the London
Broil in a shallow baking dish. Pour the mixture over
the steak. Cover with aluminum foil and refrigerate
for 2 hours, turning the steak once. Grill the meat
over hickory wood embers until medium rare. After grilling
allow the meat to rest for 10 minutes. Cut the London
Broil on an angle in thin slices. Place on a platter
and spoon any extra juices over the meat before serving.
She
was so impressed I've got so good in the kitchen and
have learned to cook the healthy low fat stuff.
I
wish I learned how ta cook like you sweetie she says.
"What else are we eating ? By the way who cuts
your hair? It looks like something I've seen in that
movie "Beach Party". Don't ya think you should get a
new do?"
Rosie's such a buttana, sometimes. I look so good and
she just refuses to admit it. Sisters.
I
made one of my Motha's easy recipes using tomatoes to
go with our low-fat dinner. Here it is:
Roasted
Tomatoes.
4 red ripe tomatoes cut into thick slices
3/4
cup Italian seasoned bread crumbs
Extra virgin olive oil
1/4 cup Romano cheese, grated
Salt and freshly cracked pepper
Place
the tomato slices onto some aluminum foil in a shallow
aluminum baking pan. Sprinkle with bread crumbs and
grated cheese. Salt and pepper to taste. Drizzle with
extra virgin olive oil. Place the pan on a slow flame
on a covered grill. Cook fow 15-20 minutes.
"Oh
my gawd Patty, everything looks so good, tell me though
doll, what are ya doing with those Italian sausages?"
she says.
Now
I have had them on my mind ever since I saw Mario Buttalli
grilling them the other week. What's a barbecue with
out a little nosh? Ya know what I mean diary? The sausages
just held us over until dinner was ready.
"Anyhow
this one truly reminds me of Matt Leblanc!" I says.
"Oh
yea Patty, well that one over there looks like Mike
to me!"
Dear diary we laughed all afternoon! Oh gosh, it was
just like we were little girls again. I
surely hope Rosie works things out with my Motha, but
I don't want to talk about it. All I want to do is just
enjoy my God given time with her.
"Patty I see ya got the gawlic bread and pistachio ice
cream too!" Well, it was such a nice day...
it's a little bread and some dessert to cleanse the
palate. Besides it is so delish!
I
just love London Broil. Those Londoners are so lucky.
I cut it paper thin then sneak a few of the end pieces
in my mouth. All crispy and juicy. Nobody knows this,
diary, and I wouldn't let anyone see, but I have become
an excellent sneak eater. I can finish both tasty ends
faster than Jeff Gordon can throw a clutch.
I
just love this marinade too. Diary, I promise to eat
lots'a the roasted tomatoes too - that way I'll stay
nice and trim, oh, and I will also skip the ice cream
next time.
We
started to eat the dinner at about 8:30 and it's now
11:45 PM and I had not yet served dessert. You know
how dinners are; slow and very conversational. Thank
Gawd everything came good. I wen't over to Rosie and
told her I wasn't eating any dessert and she nodded
in approval. I know that I will be so skinny soon that
there will be nothing left on these bones - I'll make
Annabella Sciorra look like Rosie O'Donnell! I went
over to Rosanne and said that she had promised to share
her secret with me as how she keeps so thin.
"Patty
it's a very easy plan to follow ", she said. " All ya
have to do is stop eating at 12:00 midnight."
All of a sudden it hit me!
I
had 45 minutes ta go! Guess who was the first to eat
the pistachio ice cream?
|
